More than feelings, dreams, or other questionable signs, a Christian woman needs to seek God’s guidance in the Holy Bible when it comes to choosing her future husband. The man God has prepared for you is, in the first place, a godly man. The best way to identify the right man for you is to see what the Word of God tells you about his godly characteristics.
Here are 25 Biblical signs that he is the one that God has planned for you.
1. He Is a True, Practicing Christian
The Bible has a direct command regarding pursuing a partnership with non-believers: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14 NKJV). It applies to any kind of partnership, including marriage.
A yoke was used to connect two animals and attach them to the burden they had to pull. If two different animals were put under the same yoke (for example, a horse and an ox, or a large ox and a small one), they wouldn’t be able to work together, and they might hurt each other.
Feelings may get your judgment clouded. So, it is critical to follow the right direction given by God’s Word. Claiming to be a Christian is not a guarantee that your boyfriend is the right person for you. But not being a believer is a clear sign that he is not.
2. He Is a Professing Christian
A professing Christian is a believer who declares their faith openly. Unless you live in a country where your life is at risk if you are vocal about being a Christian, you want your future husband to be open about his faith in Jesus Christ.
Jesus said, “whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 10:32 NKJV). The apostle Paul wrote, “if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9 NKJV).
There is no doubt that Christians need to express their faith to the people around them. They can’t be ashamed of Jesus Christ. So, observe how your boyfriend reacts when it comes to sharing his beliefs. For example, if his coworkers or friends don’t know that he is a Christian, and he wants to keep it that way, that is a red flag.
3. He Loves the Lord
Jesus Christ said that the greatest commandment is “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37 NKJV). The first thing you need to look for in your future husband is someone who deeply loves the Lord above everything and everyone else. Including you.
Jesus also said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15 NKJV). So, how do you know if he loves the Lord? Observe how willing he is to obey Him. For example, when he sins, is he sad and repentant because he offended the Lord (Psalm 51:4)? Or does he try to dismiss or excuse it? Look for someone who is committed to obeying God’s words because he loves Him.
4. He Lives His Faith in Practical Ways
One thing is to talk about being a Christian. Another thing is to live a life of obedience to God’s words from the Scripture. Some people seem to live a godly life, but they are, in fact, hypocrites. Jesus warned us about it, saying, “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven” (Matthew 7:21 NKJV). The Bible also tells us to “be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves” (James 1:22 NKJV).
Observe the practical aspects of his life. Does he live what he preaches? Are his actions compatible with his beliefs? Is he a godly example to others?
It doesn’t mean that he must be perfect. No one is. But he has to pursue a life of holiness, seeking to obey God’s Word, and being an imitator of the Lord (Ephesians 5:1-2).
5. You Both Agree on the Plans for Your Marriage, Family, and Ministry
Maybe you both check all the other boxes. But if you don’t agree on core values, if you don’t share the same dreams and have similar desires, the future relationship might have serious problems. The last thing you want is to invest your life in a relationship that might be doomed from the start.
For example, what are your plans for your family? Do you intend to have children, and how many? Do you intend to home-school them or not? And so many other decisions that you need to discuss beforehand.
Also, you need to talk about ministry. For example, if your future husband intends to pursue a full-time ministry position in the local church, that is a decision that will impact you and your future children as well. If he dreams of being a missionary abroad, you must share that dream with him.
You need to see your future marriage improving both of your ministries, whatever they are. Together, you will be more useful to God than you are now, as single people. Keep in mind that “whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NKJV). That includes getting married.
6. He Seeks the Lord in Prayer
One cannot overstate the importance of prayer in the life of a Christian (Ephesians 6:18; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:17). So, observe how your boyfriend approaches prayer.
Is it a daily habit in his life? Is it how he deals with problems and frustrations? Does he enjoy praying to the Lord? Do you pray together? Being a man of prayer is an important sign that your boyfriend is “husband material.”
7. He Loves the Word of God
When you think about the man with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, check how important the Word of God is in his life and how willing he is to obey it.
A psalmist wrote, “And I will delight myself in Your commandments, Which I love.” (Psalm 119:47 NKJV). That’s the kind of man you’re looking for.
8. He Pursues Holiness
A true Christian will fight against sin their whole life. The pursue of holiness is a godly sign that the young man you’re dating is serious about obeying God’s Word.
The apostle Paul wrote, “let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” (2 Corinthians 7:1 NKJV).
The one God has for you is someone that looks to please God above everyone else, including you.
9. You See the Fruit of the Spirit in Him
Every Christian is a work in progress. We cannot expect perfection from anyone. But we all need to try hard to please the Lord and follow what the words of God in the Holy Bible tell us.
Scripture says that the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) is produced in us by the Holy Spirit. So, in time, that fruit will grow and start to show up, and people will be able to notice the following manifestations of the Holy Spirit in us:
If you are in a long-term relationship, remember when the first time you met him, and see if he has been developing the fruit of the Spirit. Talk to some of his old friends and family members. It takes time, but you should be able to see clear signs our Heavenly Father is working in him to build a good character.
10. You Trust Him
Trust comes from speaking the truth. You trust a person when you know that they are truthful. Speaking the truth is a must for any Christian. Paul wrote, “putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another” (Ephesians 4:25 NKJV).
Observe your boyfriend’s behavior. Is he truthful, even when it harms him? That is a good sign. He doesn’t need to reveal his deepest secrets, but, for example, was he honest about his past relationships, about his love life?
If he is deceptive now, it might only get worse in the long run. If he is manipulative and tries to excuse his lies, it is an obvious sign that he is not to be trusted.
11. He Loves You and You Love Him
The apostle Paul wrote, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25 NKJV). The best way a godly husband loves his wife is by imitating Jesus Christ and loving her with sacrificial love.
Jesus Christ said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13 NKJV). This is “true love” according to the Bible. It’s not about a feeling. It’s about a willingness to sacrifice for the loved one. It’s the opposite of selfishness.
A thriving relationship needs deep love. Also, you both need to appreciate each other’s company, having a good time when you’re together. If, however, his attention towards you has decreased over time, that is a red flag. Maybe he is the wrong partner for you.
12. He Honors and Respects You
Sexual attraction is part of a romantic relationship. However, before marriage, both the young man and the young woman need to pursue holiness in that area too. You both need to develop a godly relationship according to what Scripture tells us: “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints” (Ephesians 5:3 NKJV).
Jesus taught us that holiness is not only about our actions, but also about our thoughts and fantasies: “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28 NKJV).
If your boyfriend insists on engaging in inappropriate sexual intimacy before marriage, don’t do it. If he doesn’t repent and change his behavior after being confronted with God’s words, it is an important sign that he is the wrong man for any Christian woman.
13. He Believes in the Sanctity of Marriage
One of the first things you both need to understand is what the Holy Bible teaches us about the sanctity of marriage.
Scripture tells us, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4 NKJV). The seventh commandment says, “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14 NKJV). The Bible also warns us that marriage is a serious commitment for life (Matthew 19:4-6).
Make sure that your boyfriend believes in what the Bible says, and that he acts accordingly.
14. He Is Kind and Forgiving
The apostle Paul told us to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32 NKJV).
Observe how your boyfriend reacts when other people (including yourself) have wronged or hurt him. Did he forgive and tried to forget about it? Or did he keep bringing the issue up again afterward? Did he demand anything in exchange for his “forgiveness”? Be alert for warning signs that you might be in an unhealthy relationship.
15. He Is Humble
The apostle Paul wrote this admonition: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4 NKJV).
We all battle with pride, and a characteristic of a godly man is that he seeks to value others, not himself. He doesn’t seek the spotlight, even if he’s on it.
16. He Is a Good Influence on Your Life
The apostle Paul wrote to his young disciple Timothy saying, “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12 NKJV).
That’s the kind of influence you want from the person God has prepared for you, someone who can be an example to you. His presence in your life makes you a better person and a better Christian. Seek another person’s opinions to make sure that they can notice that too.
17. He Submits to the Authority Figures in His Life
Another important thing to observe in your future husband is how he relates to the authority figures in his life. If he is reluctant with other people’s authority, be alert!
The Bible says, “Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders” (1 Peter 5:5 NKJV). God wants you both to submit to the authorities in the church (Hebrews 13:17) and other areas of your life (Romans 13:1-7).
He should have a good leader and mentor in his life to help him and give him advice (a pastor or a church elder). Also, if you both are thinking about marriage, seek an older married couple that can give you godly advice before and after the wedding.
18. Your Pastor and Spiritual Mentor(s) Support the Relationship
If you are in a loving relationship, seek the counsel of your pastor and your spiritual mentor to hear what they have to say about it. If they raise concerns, listen to what they have to say. If they ask, bring your boyfriend to talk to them as well.
The Bible tells us to “listen to counsel and receive instruction” (Proverbs 19:20 NKJV). It also says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise” (Proverbs 12:15 NKJV). So, be wise and seek their advice before committing.
19. His Best Friends Are Godly Men
Both you and your boyfriend need friends. When you’re starting a romantic relationship, it is important to observe his close friends. The Bible says, “Evil company corrupts good habits” (1 Corinthians 15:33 NKJV).
A man of God has his best relationships with other godly men, and together they encourage each other to be the better version of themselves (Proverbs 27:17). It doesn’t mean that he has to break ties with old friends from before he met Christ. But he won’t allow the wrong person to influence his life.
Bad company is a red flag. You don’t want to build a long-term relationship with a companion of fools.
20. He Is Respectful Towards Other Women
The apostle Paul instructed his disciple, Timothy, on how a Christian leader should treat other women. Any man should follow that advice, including your boyfriend. He should treat “older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity” (1 Timothy 5:2 NKJV).
Observe how he behaves towards other women in general, not only the ones in his family. If the two of you are in a committed relationship, does he make your relationship status clear to other women? Is he flirty? Does he make inappropriate comments or jokes about women? Pay attention to warning signs before agreeing to a serious commitment.
21. He Takes Responsibility for His Actions
You’re not looking for Mr. Perfect (or you shouldn’t be). So, your boyfriend will make mistakes, as we all do. How he reacts to those mistakes are also important signs to be considered.
For example, does he take responsibility for his actions? Or does he try to excuse his wrongdoing by shifting blame to others? Taking responsibility for his actions is not only a clear sign of a godly man but also of a mature person.
22. He Is Ready to Start Building a Family
One of the first references in the Holy Bible about marriage is found in Genesis, right after the first couple was created: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 NKJV).
A man needs to be emotionally and financially ready to support his own family without depending upon his father and mother. It doesn’t mean ignoring them or cutting them off. He needs to be mature enough to take care of his family without depending upon them.
23. He Honors and Respects His Parents
In the fifth commandment, God orders us to “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12 NKJV). Several other similar verses of the Bible tell us about respecting, honoring, and obeying our parents (for example, check Deuteronomy 5:16; Proverbs 1:8-9; Matthew 15:4; Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20).
Observe how your boyfriend treats his parents and close family members, even if they’re not Christians. Note that the commandment doesn’t exclude non-believers. Does he show good manners towards them? Does he listen respectfully to what they say, even if he doesn’t agree? Does he show a form of respect when he is confronted by them? Being a good son is the will of God for him, so he needs to make the effort to honor and respect his parents as the Word of God teaches us to do.
24. Your Parents Support the Relationship
Even if your parents are not Christians, listen to what they have to say about your relationship. They may raise issues about your boyfriend’s character or behavior towards you that may be concerning.
The Bible tells us to “obey your parents in the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1 NKJV; see also Deuteronomy 5:16, Proverbs 1:8-9, Matthew 15:4, Colossians 3:20). Don’t dismiss their opinion just because you don’t agree. Seek their approval before investing your time and emotions in a future relationship with any young man.
25. He Loves the Church
In this age of social media and online church services, sometimes people feel that they can live an isolated Christian life, apart from a local church. That’s not what the Bible teaches us. We need our brothers and sisters in Christ (1 John 4:20-21, 1 Peter 1:22, Psalm 133:1, Proverbs 17:17, Ecclesiastes 4:10).
It is important to gather together periodically. The author of Hebrews warned us about “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some” (Hebrews 10:25 NKJV). If you have to drag him to a church service, or if he doesn’t go at all, that is a red flag.
After reading this article, dig into and investigate the red flags you’ve identified. It isn’t about the number itself. Sometimes, one single warning sign may be a divine clue to make the relationship end. Keep in mind that any man will have many flaws, as you do. The important thing is that he seeks to be a godly man and that the list of characteristics in this article confirms that he is on the right path (Philippians 3:12).
Natalie Regoli is a child of God, devoted wife, and mother of two boys. She has a Master's Degree in Law from The University of Texas. Natalie has been published in several national journals and has been practicing law for 18 years.